Writers' Wednesday - "Keeping Secrets", Act One

Happy Wednesday, Ladies and Germs! As promised, today we kick off a four-act original script for the TV series "House". We've featured the good doctor here once already, when he wandered into Springfield and found himself trapped in an episode of "The Simpsons".

Regular (i.e, foolishly sharing) contributor Chuckles, who is no stranger to the medical world herself, penned — well, keyed — this one for all of us; enjoy!

Please note: This script is Copyright © 2006 by Christine Roberts, and is registered with the Writers' Guild of America (WGA).

HOUSE

"Keeping Secrets"

Written by Christine Roberts

CAST

Dr. Gregory House:        Hugh Laurie

Betty Loud

Paramedic

Dr. James Wilson:          Robert Sean Leonard

Dr. Eric Foreman:           Omar Epps

Dr. Allison Cameron:     Jennifer Morrison

Dr. Robert Chase:           Jesse Spencer

Ron Kurtz

Dr. Lisa Cuddy:               Lisa Edelstein

Nurse

Doctor

TEASER

FADE IN:

INTERIOR CLINIC – EXAM ROOM #1 – DAY (DAY 1)

House is examining BETTY LOUD, in her 40's; he has a confused look on his face. Then he looks at her chart.

HOUSE: I can see where you've lost a lot of weight.

BETTY: Yep. I'm not complaining.

HOUSE: Don't you think thirty pounds is a lot to lose in a short time?

BETTY: Nope. I'm enjoying it.

HOUSE: Then why did you come here?

BETTY: My brother made me.

House has a puzzled look on his face.

HOUSE: Of course. That would have been my first guess.

BETTY: I know it sounds silly, but my brother made a bet with me.

HOUSE: To see how much weight you could lose?

BETTY: No. He was being nosey about my weight loss and told me if I lost five more pounds to go to the doctor.

HOUSE (gesturing): And you said…

BETTY: Yes… at the time.

HOUSE: Now why didn't I think of that?

BETTY: I didn't think I would lose five more pounds.

HOUSE: So your brother made you go to the doctor.

BETTY: Yes. I hate doctors.

HOUSE: I can tell. (BEAT) Are you taking antidepressants?

BETTY: No. Why would you ask a question like that?

HOUSE: Oh, nothing. It's just some people lose weight when they are depressed… and since you don't like doctors… (BEAT) maybe I'll just save you a trip. You can tell your brother there is nothing wrong with you.

House waits for a reaction.

BETTY: Oh, good – then I can go!

She dashes to the door and starts to open it. House stops the door and closes it with his cane.

HOUSE: Provided you're telling me everything.

BETTY: Like what?

HOUSE: All you've told me so far is that you've lost weight. (BEAT) You aren't leaving out any other symptoms, are you?

Betty thinks about it.

BETTY (cheerful): Nope.

House shows he doesn't believe her.

HOUSE: Okay. But I'd better not hear later that you were leaving out information.

BETTY: Good. Now I can tell my brother I was right.

HOUSE: Yep. You do that.

Betty then exits and House takes some Vicodin.

HOUSE (CONT'D): Liar.

EXTERIOR HOSPITAL – EMERGENCY ENTRANCE – NIGHT

We see an ambulance pull up to the hospital. A PARAMEDIC comes around the back. He opens the door to the pull out the gurney. We see Betty lying on the gurney.

As we… FADE OUT.

END OF TEASER

Chuckles has urged me before, in posting her scripts, to chop off the first installment here, and so make a real teaser out of it. Naah. But I have to add that this "Betty Loud" character is based directly on a mutual acquaintance of ours (Chuckles' and mine), and Chuckles nails her down perfectly. Except — heh-heh — she keeps getting away.

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

INTERIOR HOSPITAL HALLWAY – DAY (DAY 2)

House and Wilson are walking down the hallway. Wilson is holding a folder and looks over it a little.

WILSON: There is a case here that no one can diagnose.

HOUSE: So naturally you came to me.

WILSON: We've been having a hard time trying to figure out what is wrong with this girl.

HOUSE: I don't know if I want to examine any more girls.

WILSON: She's cute.

HOUSE: No thanks. That last one was terrible.

WILSON: Do you remember her name?

Wilson stops and looks at the record. House stops and thinks about it.

HOUSE: Yeah. Betty Loud. Why?

Wilson smiles.

WILSON: Sheee's baaack.

House reacts.

HOUSE: What are you talking about?

WILSON: She's downstairs in the E.R.

HOUSE: Did she tell you what her symptoms were?

WILSON: Just that she is having leg and back pain.

HOUSE: What?

WILSON: That's all she told them.

HOUSE: Have her admitted.

WILSON: For a leg pain?

House grabs the chart from Wilson.

HOUSE: Also check her weight.

WILSON: House, this is unusual – even for you.

HOUSE: She is also experiencing rapid weight loss.

WILSON: (to himself): Okay. That makes sense.

They split up. House walks into an elevator. Wilson has an "I give up!" attitude on his face as he continues in the other direction.

INTERIOR BETTY'S ROOM – DAY

Betty is lying in bed hooked up to fluids. Betty is talking to Foreman.

BETTY: I don't know why my leg and back are bothering me.

House enters and Betty has a shocked look on her face.

BETTY (CONT'D): Oh no…

HOUSE: "Oh no" is damn right. What other symptoms are you having?

BETTY: I don't know.

House slams the bed with is cane.

HOUSE: You'd better start thinking of some.

HOUSE (CONT'D, to Foreman): Did you get a weight on her?

FOREMAN: Yes. She's lost five more pounds.

BETTY (cheerful): Better than Weight Watchers.

Foreman laughs a bit.

HOUSE: Oh, you think you're funny, don't you?

BETTY: Well, I…

HOUSE (erupting): Are you going to tell me what other symptoms you're having, or do I need to call your brother?

BETTY: Don't call my brother.

HOUSE: Why not?

BETTY: 'Cause he probably will call up his Nagging Team. I'll never hear the end of it.

FOREMAN: What in the world is a "nagging team"?

BETTY: It's a group of my friends and his that… keeps nagging me to eat something.

House has a startled look on his face.

HOUSE: Just how much have you been eating?

Betty thinks about it.

HOUSE (CONT'D): I didn't think I asked a hard question.

BETTY: I got it!

HOUSE/FOREMAN: Oh, thank God.

BETTY: I ate breakfast yesterday.

FOREMAN: Let me guess… then you had lunch.

BETTY (confused): I don't think I had that…

HOUSE: That does it!

House begins to walk off, and Foreman stops him.

FOREMAN: You can't leave. We have a patient here that needs treating.

HOUSE: Yeah, when they cooperate. Trying to get information out of her is like pulling teeth.

BETTY: Ohh, that sounds horrible.

HOUSE (to Betty): You stay out of this!

HOUSE (to Foreman): Until she coughs up more information, start her on IV's, Alendronate, and Prempro.

House exits.

FOREMAN: Ooh, you must have it bad.

BETTY: What's that stuff for?

FOREMAN: Anorexia.

INTERIOR HOUSE'S OFFICE – OUTER OFFICE – DAY

Chase, Cameron, Wilson, and Foreman are with House. There is a list of symptoms on the white board: "leg pain", "back pain", "weight loss", and "little eating". House finishes writing "keeping secrets" on the board.

CAMERON: Keeping secrets isn't a symptom.

HOUSE: It is in my opinion – since she won't tell us anything. Okay, are there any other symptoms anyone's found out?

CHASE: According to the blood tests she had the E.R., she's also severely dehydrated.

House writes "dehydrated" on the board.

HOUSE: Which would explain why she came in here by ambulance.

WILSON: She kept insisting it was her leg pain.

HOUSE: Okay, people. Start diagnosing.

CHASE: It's hard to when she won't tell us anything.

HOUSE: Am I the only one in the room?

No one answers. They all have confused looks on their faces.

HOUSE (CONT'D): I guess so.

CAMERON: We're treating her for the right thing with the symptoms we have.

FOREMAN: It could be hyperparathyroidism.

HOUSE: What makes you think it's that?

FOREMAN: According to this one lab result, her calcium level is too high.

HOUSE: And how long were you going to keep this information from the rest of us?

Everyone looks at Foreman.

FOREMAN: I just noticed it now.

HOUSE: Do you need to make an appointment with the optometrist?

FOREMAN: What makes you think that?

HOUSE: Well, let's see now. We've been in here (looks at watch) for twenty minutes and you finally found another symptom. Get a checkup. Okay, anyone else not noticing symptoms?

CAMERON: Her Tegretol level is too low.

Foreman reacts.

FOREMAN: What?

House reacts.

HOUSE: Let me see that.

Cameron hands the sheet to House. House looks at it.

HOUSE: Yep. You're right. Her Tegretol level is at best a three. That is definitely too low.

House writes "epilepsy" on the board.

HOUSE: Which means what, O wise neurologist?

FOREMAN: That she has epilepsy.

HOUSE: Okay, one more time: any other information?

They all are quiet.

HOUSE (CONT'D): Okay, let's start treating her for hyperparathyroidism. Continue to monitor her weight loss.

The group begins getting up when House's pager goes off. House pulls it out and looks at it.

HOUSE (CONT'D): Wait a minute.

They all stop.

HOUSE (CONT'D): You can't treat her.

CHASE: Now what's the problem?

HOUSE: She's not here anymore.

CAMERON: You can't tell me she's dead –

HOUSE: No. She's left the hospital.

CHASE: What?

HOUSE: See for yourself.

Chase looks at the pager

CHASE: She's gone and no one can find her.

HOUSE: I thought I just said that.

CAMERON: So now what are we going to do?

HOUSE: She's not my patient anymore. This is the second time I've had her and she's left.

CHASE: We have to do something?

HOUSE: You're right. She's your patient now.

CAMERON: What?

HOUSE: I'm going to get something to eat.

House exits.

INTERIOR CLINIC EXAM ROOM #2 – DAY

RON KURTZ, in his 20's, is sitting on the examination table wearing a suit.

RON: I've been having trouble sleeping anymore. If I doze off, I do it when I'm wearing my suit. For some reason people aren't listening to me.

House is asleep in the chair.

RON (CONT'D): Hey, Doc.

House is still asleep.

RON (CONT'D): Hey… Doc.

Ron waves his hand in front of House's face. House doesn't answer. Ron then begins to try and get down.

HOUSE: You can't leave.

RON: I thought you were asleep.

House gets up and stands in front of Ron so he can't leave.

HOUSE: You shouldn't do that – it really pisses people off.

RON: Trying to leave?

HOUSE: No, doing this.

Then he waves his hand in front of Ron. Just then Cuddy enters and sees what House is doing.

CUDDY: Are you insane?

Ron raises his hand.

RON: I vote yes.

HOUSE: No one asked you.

CUDDY: Your one patient already left this hospital without being treated.

RON: I tried and he wouldn't let me.

HOUSE: Why don't you try counting sheep?

RON: I did that. I even went to sleep clinics.

CUDDY: Didn't they help?

RON: No. I never finish the treatment, since I can't sleep. They think I have sleep apnea.

CUDDY: (to House): Well, Doctor?

House takes a closer look at Ron. Then he notices the shirt he is wearing. Especially around the neck.

HOUSE: Try loosening up your shirt.

Ron undoes the first button. There is a red mark around his neck.

RON: That's it?

HOUSE: Yep. Now you'll be able to breathe better at night.

House and Cuddy exit.

INTERIOR HALLWAY – CONTINOUS

House and Cuddy enter.

HOUSE: For starters, I was treating her. I got a page saying she left the building. So I didn't even know she left till it was too late.

CUDDY: She's been diagnosed with hyperparathyroidism and probably needs surgery, and she's not here.

HOUSE: Maybe you should talk to your security and quit yelling at me.

CUDDY: She's your responsibility, so I'm blaming you.

Cuddy walks off.

HOUSE: I'm disowning her if she comes back again.

EXTERIOR HOSPITAL – EVENING

As we see the hospital grounds

INTERIOR HOSPITAL – EMERGENCY ROOM – EVENING

Betty is being admitted on a gurney. Some doctors lift her up from the gurney and put her on an exam table.

INTERIOR HALLWAY – EVENING – CONTINUOUS

As we see House watching what is going on in the emergency room.

INTERIOR EMERGENCY ROOM – CONTINOUS

The doctors are giving her fluids.

NURSE: Doctor she has a rash in different areas of her body.

DOCTOR: Let's give her some Benadryl, then.

The nurse gives Betty a shot. The monitors begin changing. Betty is having a seizure. House enters and begins helping them.

HOUSE: Give her twenty milligrams of Phenobarbital.

He tries to hold her head down while the doctor administers a tube in her mouth. The nurse gives her a shot.

SPECIAL EFFECTS:

We are at a microscopic level. We ZOOM IN on a single neuron in the brain. We see one shooting electric SPARKS to another as they keep spreading all over the place. PULL BACK TO REVEAL the sparks are traveling all over the brain, and some are leaving the brain to go elsewhere.

HOUSE (V.O.) (CONT'D): Come on, you can fight this. Keep fighting.

NURSE (V.O.): It's not working.

HOUSE (V.O.): Give her another one.

We see the "sparks" begin to slow down. Now there are ten, then five, and then two. Then we see just one go by every so often.

BACK IN THE ROOM:

House then begins to let go; Betty is now relaxed while lying on the bed.

DOCTOR: Thanks for your help, Doctor.

House looks exhausted.

HOUSE: Next time call someone else.

House exits as we…

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT ONE