Talking Turkey

Getting this far-flung family together for a holiday celebration is quite the challenge nowadays. In different years, the three generations of us have been in various countries far away from this land, and any of half a dozen or more US states. Now with most of us living within a couple hours' drive or so of the East-Coast mega-knot-polis… it's still no easier.

Brother "Doc" Rich (he isn't) will be in recovery from surgery, so Thanksgiving will be low-key for him, the good wife, two kids, and cageful of mine-trained canaries; they'll be having their tofurkey near the Chesapeake Bay.

Sister Mew, husband Arnold, and their own two children, will be at her in-laws'. Not having her gang, and Doc's, this year is quite the loss – they're just about the only decent cooks this family can offer.

Sister Alicia, husband Levi, and newest family member Dannay Lee, live closer to Boston, so are taking it particularly easy this year, as well they should.

Brother Sarge, the Marine, is stateside this year, and will show up with fork, knife, and leaf-blower wherever he might be needed. He's penciled in.

My younger daughter, Portia, will be with her mom for their own Erntedankfest en famille. Older daughter Shellie, though, will not be with her mom, nor with a wonderfully-lucky young gentleman's family. So she and I will be pooling our efforts with my mother this year – and this may be an indicator of desperation on Shellie's part, the poor child. Here's our series of emails from yesterday and this morning, trying to get the cats all lined up:

-----Original Message-----
Subject: Gobble

So where is Turkey Day being held this year?

Shellie Schilt

-----Original Message-----
From: Pop Etc.
Sent: Thursday, November 15, 2007 7:03 PM
To: 'Shellie'
Subject: RE: Gobble

Good question! We're still working that out; the Mew-crew will be with Uncle Arnold's family, eating this.

Your Aunt Mew fired off a note to Unc-Doc earlier (no response just yet), seeing whether he'd like the honors. If he bows out, we'll probably commandeer Sarge's kitchen. Grandmother gets exhausted by having a houseful of loud, obnoxious family (not that there are many other kinds, this side of des Vaterlands) in her own home, and would still rather ride in a car with me for an hour each way. This is quite brave of her.

Anyway, I'll let you know once we've got it figured out… although I'm betting you'll hear it from Mew before the rest of us do!

Love,

Dad

She and my sister are very close… and nearly indistinguishable, other than the fact that my daughter's arguably more mature.

-----Original Message-----
Well, I talked to Auriga last night, who talked to Emma [Mrs. Doc, Riga's mom], who said Doc's having his kidney stone operation the day before Thanksgiving so "it will be a quiet one" around their house. Whether that means they're up for having Thanksgiving, I don't know. Mew mentioned the in-laws' so it will be quite strange not having someone besides Auriga and me shooting things out their nose and choking and nearly peeing.

"Mature" being relative, if you'll pardon the pun.

P.S. I called you twice yesterday – way to check your phone for missed calls.

Shellie

-----Original Message-----
Subject: Re: The Beef About the Turkey

Okay, here's the latest:

We'll have our fête at in town after all; the Doc-gang won't be there, but Sarge and (probably) Choggun-Nunim will, bringing along salad and a thorough brushing for Tiger. We'll have roast beef and taters – and Sarge has tapped you to bring along the just-desserts. (I pointed out to him that if they were just desserts, they'd also be calorie- and fat-free… earned me a chuckle.)

Re the phone, Fräulein Kluge-Hosen: I switched it to "vibrate" in advance of testing for another County-government position early yesterday afternoon. As usual, I didn't switch it back to Normal mode afterward – you know I'm not truly cell-focused, so it still hasn't entered my processes and routines to check for missed calls.

So, yes, I do apologize. You may lay about me with the wet noodle next week. (Rinse first.)

Back to Thanksgiving: don't let the absence of Casper [Mew Jr., or "mini-Mew"], Auriga, and Mew hinder your free expression (and constitutionally guaranteed right) of opinion via airborne food- and former-food products. This still entertains Sarge, and Grandmother might be a bit more flexible with fewer female descendants doing so. You can borrow my oversize bib if you'd like.

Love,

Dad

-----Original Message-----
Well, I'll check with Auriga to see if she wants to come up. I can always go down and get her on Wednesday (I shudder at the thought of driving that night, but hopefully if I leave at 7:30ish after Weight Watchers, traffic won't be too bad) and then bring her back Friday or something.

Maybe I can finally get the Korean character for "family" out of Sarge or Choggun because I lost another 1.6 pounds this week and am almost 2 pounds below the tattoo reward for losing my 10% - I'm down 18 pounds now J well, that figure might be a bit smaller, given the Thanksgiving pot luck we had at work yesterday. My stomach is still punishing me.

I have to take her word on these figures, pardon probable pun. I just don't see where she needs to lose an appreciable amount of weight. I suggested to her once that her not looking anywhere close the weight she claims is because she's denser. This did not go over well.

Shellie

-----Original Message-----
Subject: Re: Pounds, and Rounds

Heh-heh…

Congratulations to you on your eighteen pounds; keep it up! I mean, down. (And if it wouldn't annoy you, I'd add the rude Stu Cutler comment about "What's the goal? Another ten?" But I won't.)

And it goes without saying – so of course I'll say it anyway – that we'd love to have [Doc's daughters] Auriga (and Vega, if she and her 'rents are okay with you gals dragon her around). This would give you someone to cut up with, so to speak, and provide the rest of us with even more entertainment, laying bets to see which of you turns redder, etc.

Re Christmas: Mew's also going to be setting up the annual online gift-exchange site for us. Knowing you, I'd like to suggest this particular gadget for your wish list:

http://www.engadget.com/2007/11/16/lantic-systems-unveils-gilded-30000-rc-1-remote-control/

 

Repeating: I'm proud of how well you've been doing with Weight Watchers – and especially with your own unsurpassable willpower. It's been very inspiring!

P.S.: Keep open-minded on making yourself some extra bu¢k$ with your great writing and tale-telling skills (e.g., a column in an online mag for twenty-somethings)… and an open-mike night for you sometime at a comedy club (after a couple solid drinks) would be a real hoot for the rest of us.

Love,

Dad

-----Original Message-----
Yeah it's definitely not easy, but the results are more than worth it. Plus, we both know how stubborn I am, so for once that's actually a big help. My goal was to be down 1.8 by Thanksgiving, so I really want to get that last .2 off for Wednesday. I saw my ex and his family a couple Saturdays ago and their reactions to seeing me were priceless. I haven't visited since I started WW, so I guess I looked a lot different. Naturally, X's reaction was the best J

But I think Auriga wants to stay home so I doubt she'll be coming up. Mew and Arnold and the kids are going to stop by in the late afternoon, so they should get there a couple hours ahead of Sarge.

Shellie

-----Original Message-----
Subject: Re: "Stubborn" Is NOT the Same Thing as "Suborn"!

"For once" your stubbornness was a big help? For once? (Grown) child of mine, your stubbornness has been a tremendous help all through your life, and through you has aided plenty other folks (even whether they like it or not) as well. It's one of several admirable and enviable things about you!

You know, I'm really curious about your meet-up with the Mr. X's family… so could you save it for entertainment next week? I know we'd all be tickled to hear about it, in fact.

Re the Mew-Crew: I'm guessing we'll tell Sarge that things start promptly at one… so he'll be arriving a bit later than Mew + 3, yes. Pending Grandmother's plans, let's assume late afternoon; JT and Arnie should be able to fill in an empty corner or three, too.

Chow!

Love,

Dad

-----Original Message-----
There's nothing really to tell about the visit; el X said he was coming home a month or so ago and we couldn't work out a time to hang out and were able to do so a couple weekends ago. It was good to see everyone, but I guess I can give you an update next week. Really, nothing to tell – except that, obviously, he loves me. J

Shellie

-----Original Message-----
Subject: Re: Compliments, Complements, and Condiments

Of course he loves you! Who wouldn't? Who doesn't? Anyone who says they don't… is a bonehead, and is lying through their teeth.

And to paraphrase you: way to duck and weave around some compliments, Missy. Just say thank you, bow graciously, and look away. Anyway, it'll be great to have you over next week; desserts okay by you? Any other menu-suggestions? (E.g., I might make up a good marshmallow salad, if your points would allow that.)

Love,

Dad

-----Original Message-----
I wasn't trying to duck and weave; I didn't notice anything aside from the obvious stubbornness comments. Plus, I am trying to multitask and am failing miserably.

As far as food is concerned: I just suggest the typical turkey, taters, stuffing, (hopefully minimally burnt) crescent rolls, and veggies. I never really liked marshmallow salad but am pretty much throwing all points restrictions out the window. I weigh in on Wednesday and won't weigh in again until the 28^th, so I will have plenty of time to burn things off – as long as I'm not as uncomfortable for 18 hours again like I was after yesterday's feast. I brought a no-bake cheesecake and crescent rolls to the pot luck and I can throw some together again if you and Grandmother want. Just let me know.

Shellie

-----Original Message-----
Subject: Re: Roll Play

Whoah-there; shields back down, Riker. My "duck 'n weave" quip was light-hearted, typed with a crooked half-smile and practiced light-shake of the head... I might not have conveyed that. <hangs head... rolling eyes non-visibly> And I'll bet you a nickel and a half that you're multitasking fine, too.

We already have the roast beast, so the only turkey(s) for us next week will be, well, me and Sarge. But we'll all get stuffed. Although… some kind of beef-friendly stuffing would be a great idea – and I think we already have the rolls, too. I'll take a more proactive hand in those, so hopefully the carbon content will be minimal.

PS, Shell-E: I really do like your writing/wording style; these chuckles are good for my morale, and probably burn off a few calories, too.

PPS: sorry about the 'mallow salad… should we warm up a pumpkin pie for you?

Love,

Dad

-----Original Message-----
You're having ROAST BEEF for Thanksgiving? That's weird. And re marshmallow salad: one of the few things I like less than it is pumpkin pie. =P Apple pie is good though *angelic grin*

Shellie

-----Original Message-----
Subject: Re: Roll Play

Incredibly, I can still sometimes wrap a hand around your ankle and tug before you even notice. I know how fond you aren't of pumpkin pie, which is why I suggested it. And since you've been deputized Daughter-Director of Downright Delicious Desserts Department, I know we'll have a great apple pie, and no pumpkin.

Re the beef: we've had that for a while (but it's frozen, not green), so we're just being cheapskates about it. This also saves time and aggravation otherwise spent on plucking the turkey, who generally does not appreciate the endeavor anyway.

I'm betting further you can talk Mew into doing up a great sized turkey for Christmas.

Love,

Dad

I'll have to get on the phone quickly and let Beej – Shellie's mom – know that our daughter will be headed up there afterward, likely still screaming. Except... I don't know where my cell phone is. Maybe Shellie will call?