Below is the
text of an email I sent out earlier this evening to forty friends, former
coworkers (other than my immediate department of about twenty), and family.
Today I finished serving my two weeks’ notice with the international firm where
I’ve been working for four years. Other than with management, I did not share
the fact I was leaving with any of my coworkers – it’s in my nature to not
want a fuss made over me, nor to stand in a spotlight. But I realized that this
attitude, while nonegotistical, was still selfish, since it would keep my
friends from the opportunity to say goodbye and to wish me well… and for their
sakes I couldn’t deny them this. I love ‘em all. The wider circle of people is
receiving this note; I wish I could have spent a little more time with each of
them:
Hi,
everybody, and I hope you've been enjoying an extended Independence Day
weekend!
I just
wanted to let you know that – effective this afternoon – the best email address
for you to use to reach me is this one, my [ISP] address. As of today – June 29 – I've completed my two-week
wrap-up with [this corporation] and no
longer work there.
Why is this?
Well, it's largely two things: First, there's been the 38-mile commute that
rarely required less than 60 or 90 minutes for me to get to work, or back home…
and in a couple instances (winter weather excepted) it took me – no kidding –
three hours. On an average week, this has added up to ten to fifteen unpaid
hours on the road (even by express bus riding the HOV lanes).
So even
though I would always arrive with my sense of humor (and car!) intact, my
concentration and focus were at times already shot by the time I sat down at my
desk. Just imagine playing variable-speed bumper-cars first thing in the
morning for an hour or longer, then wind up that day the same way, just about
every workday for four years. In between these stretches, spend eight or nine
hours regularly catching hand grenades, bowling balls, feathers, raw eggs, and
the occasional lit stick of dynamite… and don't drop anything!
This added
to stress – quite heavy some days, nearly absent others. But lately I've
honestly come to find myself drawing closer and closer to an extreme
breaking-point, and have been really worried that this great inner tension
would lead me into mistakes that would get me fired, or keep me from doing work
of a quality that my employers (and paycheck!) deserved.
I couldn't
be the hardest worker there, nor even the most sensitive one. But I'd reached
my own personal limit, and had begun to stretch even beyond that line also.
Something simply had to give, or I had to back out.
(I apologize
to my recent coworkers with whom I didn't share my upcoming departure, even
though I did give and serve two weeks' notice. I've been looking forward to a
low-key, minimal-fuss transition out. Some well-wishers still managed to find
me, and I'm warmed that I did get to spend some of these last two weeks with
them; I wish I could have pulled all of you in… but then I wouldn't have had
enough time to wrap everything up smoothly.)
And, second,
I've badly needed that ten- to fifteen-hour stretch for other demands, most
especially studies. Granted, this could be done via online classes and a
reliable laptop computer while riding the commuter bus – so as an experiment
last year, while riding the bus I tried to read novels, books on church
history, and so on… but found I was still getting too easily distracted, and
couldn't readily stay focused on these texts. And I don't want my academic
grades to depend on this.
Still
lacking a Bachelor's Degree here in my mid-forties, I’ve been aching to fill in
that gap, and (with family encouragement) have finally registered at the local
community college. I was hoping to get in a summer class, but it looks like
I'll be joining the student-ranks in September instead – part-time, and
possibly online still… but not while studying on a moving bus, trying to ignore
conversations all around me, and curious eyes over my shoulder.
Target One,
though, is to nail down a position back here in [this town] (or darned near to it). I will not ride the [long interstate] corridor again
(unless I get really desperate). This will take the lion's share of my daytime
attention, beginning with an overhaul and polishing-up of my résumé and stock
of cover letters. (Months ago I promised a dear friend I'd help her with hers,
but have yet to do even do that… and I feel terrible about letting her down.
Hang in there, AZ – you're next, after my own!)
I've had
leads passed my way, and I most certainly welcome them – and will also continue
plowing through the employment resources I've got at hand as well. I'll keep
you updated as much as I can.
Longer-term
personal path – which I've been focusing on more and more ardently on, these
last several years – has me studying for the priesthood, deaconate, or
professed religious life (i.e., monk/brother) and taking vows. Yes, age is a
factor. But I recently discovered the Blessed John XXIII National Seminary
in Weston, Massachusetts, is taking applications from older men pursuing
"late" or "second" vocations, ranging in age from 30 to 60
(and I'm just about in the middle of that range).
Weston is
also where my uncle was ordained, and this seminary is across town from where
my mother went to college [Alma]… and isn't
too terribly far from [a certain town] (my first
home, after the Boston hospital), nor from [a certain suburb], where one of my sisters (and brother-in-law)
lives. They do take non-degreed applicants as well (about 10% of their incoming
student body, if I'm reading that right), although – with the application
process taking several months – there's a bit of a window here where I can get
my last few remaining credits in the interim.
So I'll be
researching this "later-on" step, too – I need to know what kind of
course concentration they'll be looking for. Even more than wishing me well,
please pray for me.
I'm sorry
about how long this letter's gotten! I've been in little or no significant
touch with most of you lately, but it's not been through having forgotten any
of you… I really have been busy – and will be for a while yet. And you
deserve my taking some time at least to catch all of you up! Thanks for your
patience and understanding.
I feel a
great sense of relief and peace right now, along with a genuine excitement over
whatever might be next for me. But I can't rest on that, of course. So it's
still work-work-work for me… but this smile runs a lot deeper now!
Take care,
all of you. More soon.
Regards,
AgingChild
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