Stroke of Determination, part 1

Late last week, occasional reader and contributor (and longtime chum) Spartacus caught my recent posting here on my mother's stroke, and the first steps of her recovery. He kindly emailed me his best wishes; I responded:

-----Original Message-----
From: Aging Child [mailto: AGeneChilde@YouWho.com]
Sent: Thursday, July 24, 2008 1:07 PM
To: "Spark" le Klaus
Subject: Re: Stroke of Determination

Thanks for the thoughts, Chief. Yes, Mother's strokes (there was a second one in the hospital, and these two may have been part of a possible series of little ones this month) were mild – in that all that seems to be affected are her coordination and motor skills (i.e., damage restricted to her cerebellum). Her humor is indeed firmly in place, and we've all been buoying her morale (and sapping her strength) with frequent visits.

Longer-term prognosis… who knows? She's getting some interesting rehabilitative therapy (and so gets to play with cool/intriguing toys), and her motor skills and speech are improving. It broke my heart to see her cry when (early on) one of her doctors told her she'd probably never drive her car again. Yet… a few days after her first stroke (before my sisters and Mother's doctor corralled her), Mother did indeed drive twice, with no trouble beyond bumping the hubcap on a curb… something I do on a weekly basis myself. (And more recently Mother said dismissively to one of my sisters, "I've driven enough.")

Further stroke(s) since admission have left her nearly unable to walk – though she gamely tries, with walker and nurse and firm resolve, and is getting better at it, too. Yesterday she was playing solitaire (no cheats, either) with her rehab coordinator, and afterward gathered the cards together (flipping them over where needed) to get them back into deck-shape. Sure, she was clumsy… but she did it.

She tries to write… but it looks like Arabic. Strike that; I can read bits of Arabic/Farsi/Urdu… and her scrawl is still just about illegible. Except: when she came back into the Transitional Care Unit late last week (or early this week), she signed her treatment plan and initialed here and here and here and don't forget up here, too, ma'am. This was all legible, and recognizably her own handwriting.

The issue for her is that all her life her mind's known what she wants her body to do, and the body cooperates. Now… it's kind of like when your foot's grown numb while sitting on the toilet with an especially good magazine: you try to walk on it, and the blasted thing just flops around. (Exception: she's not numb in her extremities; I've tested this by tickling her feet; she jerks them back and makes an annoyed look at me. Heh-heh.)

She doesn't give up… and that's never been her way anyway. More than once I've said to her, "You know this isn't a permanent condition, right? That you're getting better?" She usually responds with a simple "Yes." And she does. She also doesn't limit her speech to one- or two-word phrases, but still sticks with full sentences… which often are still very garbled, so we get her to back up and repeat particular words, even the whole sentence, just more slowly, e-nun-ci-ate, and that helps. E.g., about rehab yesterday, she said with impressive clarity, "They worked me harder than ever!" I pointed out (and so did sister Mew) that this is exactly what the rehab folks are supposed to do; she understands that, and embraces it. Doesn't like it… but you can't blame her.

And speaking of magazines: I dropped off the last of your impressive science-magazine stash, plus a couple years' worth of "Consumer Reports" (and a few others) all around the hospital last week: notice a table and chair in waiting-areas, deposit another magazine. There are a lot of waiting-areas… and I had a lot of magazines to work with. [note for readers: Sparks got hold of my mailing address a while back, and this Spring sent me a nice boxload of science-based magazines… I got some good reads, and he solved his recycling-overflow problems.] And they were quite the improvement over "The Watchtower", local real-estate rags, "Dog-Polishers' Monthly", "Feeled and Scream", and so on. And as I walked through the waiting-areas over successive days… folks were reading them, too.

You just may have helped boost (even if just temporarily) the average IQ of the average Hometownian here; on their behalf, I thank you from the heart of my bottom.

Regards,

Hugh Jass

Spartacus sent back:

-----Original Message-----
From: "Spark" le Klaus [mailto:SpartaCuss@Yabbadoo.com]
Sent: Thursday, July 24, 2008 3:18 PM
To: Aging Child
Subject: Re: Stroke of Determination

Thanks much for the fuller report on your mom's condition. Sounds like she is well on the road to recovery. Most importantly, her attitude is in the right place, and that has to make all the difference in the world. You had better start training, man--with the PT she's getting, she could very well be challenging you and your bro to a 5k race one of these days!

I could really relate to your analogy about sitting on the toilet and having a leg go numb; when I worked in construction, I would wake up in the middle of the night with my arm completely numb and unresponsive, like a piece of dead meat attached to my body. Scary stuff.

Glad to hear too that my old mags have found new homes; mental stimulation is a part of the recovery process, and anything's better than "Dog Polisher's Monthly"!

Yawl take care!

--
Some of us have been sleeping for these eight long years, while our nation's values have been traduced, our liberties reduced, and our moral authority around the world trampled and shattered by a nightmare of ideological incompetence.
Ted Sorensen, former advisor to JFK, commenting on the George W. Bush administration

More updates coming, folks. 

 

Stroke of Misfortune

It's obvious – if you're one of my two or three readers – that postings here have been getting sporadic. Well, they will continue to do so for a while. Rather than detail what's been going on, I'll fill in this posting with some recent email traffic, including select responses.

First, though:

To paraphrase Erich Segal: after years of threatening to do so, this month my mother actually turned [muffled] years old. So the weekend before – Saturday, July 5 – the family celebrated the fourteenth anniversary of her third twenty-second birthday… you can do the math.

All five of her grown children were there (this was at my sister Mew's lovely, sprawling house), plus spouses (including older-brother Sarge's new bride, Hyong-Su Nim, formerly known here as Choggun-Nunim), grandchildren (all but one; younger-brother Doc's older daughter, Auriga, is in Australia), Mother's older brother and his wife, and some guests, hangers-on, and passers-by… most of a couple dozen loud, delightful folks.

Mother loved it. And it wearied her a bit, of course. And most recently, her health had been seriously concerning us…

-----Original Message-----
From: A. Gene Childe [mailto:AGeneChilde@YouWho.com]
Sent: Monday, July 07, 2008 10:26 PM
To: 'Shellie, Home'; 'Portia'
Cc: 'Pauli'; 'Azey'; 'Chuckles'
Subject: Update on (Grand)Mother

Good evening, lovely young ladies; here's the latest:

Since we've all been troubled at Grandmother's recent symptoms – the slurred speech, dizziness, tiredness – Mew and Alicia took her to her doctor's early this afternoon for a closer looking-at. On examination, the doctor had her admitted to the hospital (room 4038); her neurologist gave her more detailed tests (MRI, etc.), and determined that she had indeed had a small stroke at the base of her brain, affecting both sides of her body.

(This dovetails closely with what Levi had suggested to me on Saturday as a likely cause of these symptoms – he had described something called vertebrobasilar insufficiency.)

This neurologist wants to have a cardiologist look at her (this'll be tomorrow), since he suspects this might have been brought on / provoked by atrial fibrillation (this, too, Levi had suggested we look for), which could have caused small clots to pass through her bloodstream and lodge in plaque-narrowed veins in the base of her brain – i.e., the cerebellum – which helps with motor control, coordination, and so on.

If these conjectures are on target, the treatment will likely include putting her on a blood-thinner (e.g., Coumadin/Warfarin), which she'll take for the rest of her life – hopefully many more years. Shorter-term will likely involve some rehabilitative therapy so she can manage stairs and so on (and they haven't been a real problem for her anyway… but there's still the risk of slipping and falling), plus she may also have a nice extended stay at Mew's or Sarge's, where nearly everything's on the same floor anyway. Even here, I could put a mini-fridge in the basement, for example… but she really does like being upstairs and doing stuff, and shouldn't be confined in moving around.

I just got back from visiting her (Sarge and Hyong-Su Nim are there right now) with Alicia and Mew; her spirits were fine (she flirted with her male nurse) – the worst that could be said was that she did seem a bit tired and slightly slurred, and at times looked at me with a Popeye-like gaze (i.e., one eye squeezed shut), plus kept sliding down in her bed. I asked her if she feels differently mentally, and she said, no, she still feels the same. I tested her subtly by mentioning and asking about some things recent and further back that would require her to dig around mentally, and she did fine.

And she was very much alert, and – as we saw on Saturday – does like having family around her.

Mew and Alicia have the details; you probably have their email addresses and/or cell numbers. Plus she has her own cell phone with her (and she's allowed to!), as well as her room-phone, and would be delighted to hear from you… although it is just a bit hard to make out what she's saying sometimes – she says it's from the alcohol.

And I'll keep you updated.

Love,

Dad/Gene



...and Garfield made it!

-----Original Message-----
From: chuckles [mailto:chucknyuk@youwho.com]
Sent: Tuesday, July 08, 2008 7:56 AM
To: A. Gene Childe
Subject: Re: Update on (Grand)Mother

Hey there,

My mom had the same thing and said she was fine when you asked, but in reality we could tell she wasn't. She would yell at us when her brain functions got bad., had slurred speech, and ended up using a walker. Maybe you should tell her you'll send Tiger after her if she doesn't behave. I'll call her today. I've got a con meeting at 8 pm tonight.

chuckles

-----Original Message-----
From: A. Gene Childe [mailto:AGeneChilde@YouWho.com]
Sent: Tuesday, July 08, 2008 2:51 PM
To: 'Chuckles'
Subject: RE: Update on (Grand)Mother

Your mom was a great woman… and no grey in her hair until you came along, I bet! She also had a great chuckle to her… thanks to you too, no doubt.

I breezed through briefly this morning to get Mother's paper to her: she still looked at me Popeye-style, but her speech and manner were very clear. On her own, she listed for me all my former employers since 1977 (quite a long list), so she does still seem mentally unaffected, ditto her moods and emotions. She was grumbling about the possibility of being put (even if for a short time) in a nursing home, which is where she might receive some rehab.

It's likely your mother had a somewhat different kind of stroke; this kind seems to have been confined to Mother's motor control, coordination, etc. – in other words, it's finally brought her down to the level of the rest of the family, right?

The main thing is to find out about the source of these clots, if that's what's caused this, and get her on blood-thinner. If this were Shellie, she'd simply thin out her blood with alcohol. And if it were Tiger… well, there's no chance of him getting thinner, unlike your Mr. Smugface.

Gene

-----Original Message-----
From: Pauli [mailto:pauligürl@klatschen.de]
Sent: Friday, July 11, 2008 5:54 PM
To: agenechilde@youwho.com
Subject: Re: Update on (Grand)Mother

Hi A. Gene,

I am glad to hear that your mother got checked out and properly evaluated. Hopefully the new medication will alleviate some of the symptoms she had been struggling with recently. Has she been released from the hospital yet? Please do keep us informed.

Thank you so much for the update. I had wondered how she was doing.

Thanks,
Pauli

-----Original Message-----
From: A. Gene Childe [mailto:AGeneChilde@YouWho.com]
Sent: Saturday, July 12, 2008 12:32 AM
To: 'Pauli'; 'Portia'
Cc: 'Chuckles'; 'Azey'
Subject: RE: Update on (Grand)Mother

Good evening, gals!

The very latest: I went to visit (Grand)Mother a few hours ago; Licia, Mew, Shellie, and baby Dannay-Lee (riding in front of cousin-Shellie like papoose-meets-kangaroo) were already there, and we wore her out – and one of the nurses shut the door because we were getting loud! Well, you've seen this family in action; there should be no surprise in either regard.

(Grand)Mother's been moved to the Transitional Care Unit, room 409, and rehab will start Monday (I think). The cardiologist said that the clot/stroke had not been triggered by atrial-fibrillation -generated blood clots, so I think we don't know what the cause of the cause was, if you follow me. This means, though, on the plus side, she won't be taking Coumadin (also used as a rat poison – really! I'd grimly pictured a large pill-bottle labeled "Zyklon"… yigg! And whew.)

I don't know precisely what medications are currently being administered; I assume she's still on her high- blood-pressure medication, daily aspirin, and a couple other thingies that Mew, Alicia, and Levi would know loads more about. I also don't know how long it'll be before she's back home – again, she may stay a couple days/weeks first with Sarge or/and Mew.

One thing Portia might appreciate: her grandmother's now sporting a black eyepatch to rest her overly-sensitive left eye. (I'd kidded her about that all week, not thinking the doctors would actually give her one!) So as soon as I saw that this evening, I greeted her with an "Arr, matey!"

If anyone has a spare parrot, please let me know.

Her spirits are great, her mind is sharp and keen – and she's been given a two-page list of words to pronounce in order to retrain her tongue (and larynx?), to which I've already added the word "neglected"… not because she is (she's not), but because she was having trouble, uh, getting the "L" out of there. Really! Licia was just finishing getting Mother to pronounce the words when I got there, and Mother was doing great with them… having fun, in fact, by deepening and raising her voice, or altering the word to a synonym (that's another word for the list, come to think of it).

That list put me in mind of a very similar one in my joke vault – I've appended it down below – one that is in fact very useful for quite similar reasons; I'll have to print it up and bring it in to her.

Thursday being her birthday, I brought her a little stuffed Garfield (with sunglasses, gold chain, and big smirk) – Tiger insisted; I though it wasn't something she'd like… but who am I to argue with a cat? Sure enough, Mother's delighted to have him there sitting close to her, grinning away. She and I each had a slice of the cake Sarge and Hyong-Su had dropped off the night before (I got some photos, too – will send later); we set aside a couple slices for Mew and Alicia, and I distributed the rest of them among the hard-working medical staff.

Room 409 is a private room; visiting hours (and I think a few of the visitors, too) are rather loose, and Mother also has her cell phone, and would welcome a call from any one of you (at reasonable hours, of course): 233-243-601-499. She's wearing her own clothes – great for her morale, and so much more dignified than those silly backwards shirts the hospitals issue. (At one point, Mother even started singing "My shirt has not buttons; no buttons has my shirt…"!) She's required to summon a nurse when she needs to get up (e.g., to the bathroom), since there remains the risk of her falling. She also has a walker, but her right wrist is bothering her, and so the walker was not seeing as much use this evening.

Back on her home front: Levi did a couple very skilled walkthroughs of the house, from sidewalk, through the main floor, and down the stairs to Mother's bed, and made recommendations about where to install added railings, and so on. We rearranged (i.e., deranged) the living-room – after Alicia and I finished painting it – for increased mobility-space. Mew and Licia also did similar mobility-considerate things with Mother's bedroom, and also steam-cleaned her carpet. Levi (with needless advice from me) reinstalled a wall cabinet in Mother's bathroom (and patched holes our first attempts had created!).

In sum, all is well (considering), and looking very good. Please don't hesitate to drop by to see her if you're anywhere close (unannounced is okay… though she might be snoozing – Tiger's been teaching her some of his tricks); she loves flowers, so we brought her a couple large blooms from her garden the other day, and I'll bring some replacements tomorrow.

Have a great weekend, everybody; I know Mother will!

Love,

Gene/Dad

P.S.: Here's that alternate list:

Things That Are Difficult to Say When You're Drunk:

Indubitably

Innovative

Preliminary

Proliferation

Cinnamon

Things That Are VERY Difficult to Say When You're Drunk:

Specificity

Judicial system

British constitution

Passive-aggressive disorder

Loquacious transubstantiate

Things That Are Downright IMPOSSIBLE to Say When You're Drunk:

Thanks, but I don't want to have 5ex.

Nope, no more booze for me.

Sorry, but you're not really my type.

Good evening officer; isn't it lovely out tonight?

Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing.

-----Original Message-----
From: A. Gene Childe [mailto:AGeneChilde@YouWho.com]
Sent: Sunday, July 13, 2008 11:46 PM
To: 'Mrs. Dawn Bosco'
Subject: Update on Mother
Importance: High

Good afternoon, Ms. B:

(And I hope I got your email address correct.)

This past Monday (7/7/08), Alicia and Mew took Mother to her doctor's, since she'd been exhibiting dizziness, wobbliness, and – particularly indicative – slurred speech. Her doctor had her admitted immediately to the hospital for further exams to confirm the likeliness she'd suffered a mild stroke.

Confirmed.

To our best determination, Mother's mind is untouched, but her coordination and motor skills have been affected – both sides, but her left a bit more so; her left eye in particular has been weakened, giving her double vision… and necessitating an eyepatch. Since she's been assessed a fall-risk, she has to summon a nurse/caretaker when she needs to get up for the rest room, etc. She also has a walker, but there's some kind of problem with her right wrist (particularly troubling swelling), which Radiology was to look at earlier this afternoon; so use of the walker is a bit of a problem at the moment.

I must stress: her spirits are great, her mind is sharp, and her outlook is a bit feisty… though she's always been a bit sensitive to very mild depression and loneliness. We haven't given her much opportunity to feel lonely, though – all her family stops in to see her at least once to several times a day where possible (even at ridiculously late hours), including "Doc" Rich and Sarge popping up once or twice thus far this week (Doc with a daughter in tow, Sarge with new wife Hyong-Su Nim). Plus Alicia, Levi, and baby Dannay-Lee are still down here (staying at Mew's), so she's getting as much attention as she can stand, and then some!

She's in Transitional Care Unit room #409, is wearing her own clothing (i.e., none of those peekaboo backwards shirts), and can use her cell phone with no danger of futzing up anyone's monitors: 233-243-601-499. I think rehab will start on Monday; I don't know how soon she'll be back home – she may even further transition for a week or two at Mew's or Sarge's, since everything she needs would be on one floor, eliminating the hazard of stairs. In any case, Levi gave me an excellent walk-through of our house, pointing out where rails, etc., could/should be added to make Mother's goings-about much easier and safer; we also rearranged the living-room and Mother's bedroom/office to make them even more mobility-friendly.

Mrs. Bosco, please feel free to stop by and visit her at the hospital – she'd love it, and you needn't call ahead. In any case, you can certainly call her anyway, of course; I know she'd love to hear from you, and to see you. And I think the family could use some inputs/suggestions from you on helping take care of Mother, based on your own experiences, personal and professional (including speech-rehabilitation).

I'll bring her the Eucharist tomorrow, by the way. And she did have an Extraordinary Minister visit during the week… though from what I heard, that person may have missed a class on sensitivity: when told Mother had had a stroke, the woman gasped, and blurted out, "Oh! I'm so sorry!"… this within earshot of Mother, of course. Again, her mind really seems unaffected; only her motor control has been marred. So a comment like that, even out of hearfelt reflex, might have served better silent.

Mew, Levi, and Alicia have more precise details, and longer-term outlooks, and can fill you in even better. But just stop on by there and say hello, and pass word among mutual friends at church (I'll be doing the same tomorrow).

See you there!

Gene

----Original Message-----
From: Mrs. Dawn Bosco [mailto:DBosco@AllSaints.com]
Sent: Monday, July 14, 2008 11:15 PM
To: agenechilde@youwho.com
Subject: Re: Update on Mother

Gene,
Some observations of mine. Certainly your mother's mind remains sharp but her inappropriate responses to some questions and directions leaves me to speculate that there may be some mild receptive language issues. As a result of the stroke she has lost some fine motor and articulator mobility the latter effecting the clarity of her speech. I suggested some mouth exercises to help restore some of that movement, namely going from smile to kiss position of her lips, both of which should be exaggerated. I suggested she pretend she is kissing Cal Ripken but she told me to kiss him myself as he is not one of her favorites. HER HUMOR REMAINS INTACT. I will stop by later in the week to harrass her a little more and will bring her Eucharist on Sunday. I have contacted members of our lenten group and they will pray for her recovery and probably visit her. Take care.

-----Original Message-----
From: A. Gene Childe [mailto:AGeneChilde@YouWho.com]
Sent: Monday, July 14, 2008 11:50 AM
To: BKanntin@EPost.de
Subject: Mutti

Tag, Bea!

Hoffentlich ist alles bei Euch gut, und der Komputer kooperiert gleich.

Letztes Wochenende feierten wir (ein Wenig früh) bei meiner Schwester Muttis 80en Geburtstag (der war eigentlich letzten Donnerstag). Sie hatte etwa 20 Gäste (die meisten waren natürlich Familie und Verwandten), und da war sie sozusagen das fröhliche Auge des Orkans.

Aber da machten wir uns um sie Sorgen, weil sie mehrtägig etwas benommen/schwindlig gewesen war, hatte nur schwäche Ausgeglichenheit, konnte die Wörter nicht klar aussprechen, usw. Daher den nächsten Montag (d.h. letzten Montag) gingen meine Schwestern mit ihr an die Ärztin, und sofort wegen der Diagnose in das Krankenhaus: irgendwann vor ein paar Wochen hatte sie einen kleinen Hirnschlag/Insult.

Weitere Diagnosen nachher zeigten ihn auf: die Schädigung ist nur auf dem Kleinhirn beschränkt: reduzierte Motorik; aber der Verstand (d.h., Erkenntnis, Humor, usw.) ist total unbeeinflusst davon… Gott sei dankbar!

Sie besuchen wir sehr oft, und täglich hat sie auch schon wiederherstellende Behandlung. Wir glauben, sie bleibt nicht länger da drüben, und geht zurückzuhause vielleicht nach einigen Wochen. Da bereiten wir das Haus vor, z.B. Handläufer im Treppenschacht (und in der Dusche) einbauen, Vorleger / kleinen Teppich festmachen, usw.

Ich schreibe mehr später, muss nun den Neffen von der Fahrschule abholen. Bis dann!

Eugen

Let Us Prey, Part 7b: Still Half-Baked

Okay, okay, folks; I hear you loud and clear: back to John Wojnowski, or prey-er versus pray-er.

Yesterday afternoon, I received a comment on one of the posts I'd put up in a still-unfinished series (under the too-apt title of "Let Us Prey") where I've been responding to some particularly hateful things being said about the Catholic Church.

This comment was strong and harsh enough that I decided not to delete it (i.e., not spam or garbage), but rather respond to it, and post his and my words here as well. WordPress, which kindly (or perhaps foolishly) hosts my Empty Tomb blog, requires all people commenting on a posting to leave their email address and (if possible/applicable) their own website.

So besides first name, I had the fellow's email address (and IP address/WhoIs, etc.), and so could email him directly (and did). The webpage URL he provided was to John Wojnowski's own website, which largely reproduces his vicious diatribe, and goes even further.

Caveat lector: to protect the gentleman's privacy, I've changed his name and email address – this will also protect him from the spammers whose webcrawlers are constantly harvesting these addresses for their own nefarious purposes. And I've slightly redirected the URL in that comment section to take you to a Washington Post article on Wojnowski's campaign. His website is easy enough to find anyway, but I didn't want a link to it on my blog. So sue me, Eric.

No, I take that last sentence back; that was rude and petty. Let me also repeat now what I've taken pains to stress throughout this "Let Us Prey" series: that I have no issue with Wojnowski's claim – totally credible, even if not fully substantiated – of abuse by a priest, and having his personal buck passed somewhere into oblivion by some of the hierarchy. I support him morally and spiritually in his quest for redress, and also don't buy into the cold-hearted claim of "statute of limitations" he claims to have been handed.

My problem is that his objective seems to go far beyond seeking redress, and he appears – by his own words at his site, and on at least one handout – to be trying to pull down the entire Church through cheap shots, warmed-over old rumors, and outright lies, slander, and bitter innuendo.

Yes; failings of trusted members of the hierarchy – whether to heed their own vows of chastity (including against children, and members of their own gender), or to support and empathize with suffering members of their flock – have indeed sullied the Church.

This does not change the fact that the Church was founded by Jesus Christ himself, sustained and spread by his Apostles, and comes down to us today through the direct line of authority and responsibility Jesus first laid on Peter and his fellows.

What it does do is show how far short some of us fall in how we are called to live and share Jesus' message. I'm not talking about John Wojnowski there; I really do mean some of the less-than-exemplary members of Christ's mystical body, the Church.

John – I assume – suffers still from wounds inflicted on him by one of these men some fifty years ago, and for this that (now-deceased) priest, and others, bear the blame, and the shame. I agree with him that – regardless of the time intervening since his molestation – he deserves both a genuine, sincere, contrite apology, and a reasonable settlement.

What he doesn't get from me is an ounce of sympathy, let alone empathy, in his assault on the Church itself, her history, her doctrines, and her mission. That kind of cowardly, spiteful malice is unbecoming of a mature, intelligent man, John, and does your genuine objective a terrible disservice.

Enough; here's the comment that came in:

-----Original Message-----
From: eric [mailto:EricIdol@YouWho.com]
Sent: Friday, June 27, 2008 1:09 PM
To: AGeneChilde@YouWho.com
Subject: [MT2mb] Comment: "Let Us Prey, Part 7: The Half-Baked Scheme"

New comment on your post #416 "Let Us Prey, Part 7: The Half-Baked Scheme"

Author: eric (IP: [yadda-yadda] )

Comment:

You're a spiteful and, indeed, petty apologist with absolutely no defense for the catholic mafia's legacy of brutality.

Yikes! as my dad used to say. I took a while to simmer down, reflected a bit, then began my response:

-----Original Message-----
From: AGeneChilde@YouWho.com
To: EricIdol@YouWho.com
Subject: Half-Baked?
Date: Fri, 27 Jun 2008 16:08:23 -0400

Hmm… those are pretty heavy words, friend Eric. Let's look for a moment at what you've happened on:

What I'm doing in addressing Wojnowski's diatribe is showing how the fellow – suffering as he may be from the old scars of abuse at the hands of a priest (and some unforgivable cold-shouldering by the priest's superiors) – uses no genuine evidence, and employs apparently deliberate misdirection, selective emotion-laden words, and old-old long-disproven charges that a little research (even by a non-Catholic, or an atheist) will readily scuttle. This reveals an extreme, biased attitude of hatred against the Church, and a determination to draw others – strangers, the gullible, the scandal-hungry – into his twisted outlook.

Let's do the same here, you and me. How about you back up your words:

1)  Where have I been spiteful?

2)  Where in my apologetics have I been petty? (You do understand the difference between "apology" and "apologetics", right?)

3)  In what way have I failed in this particular defense of my Church?

4)  What do you mean by "Catholic mafia"? On what solid evidence (hearsay will not be accepted; sorry if you're a fan of Dan Brown) do you use this term?

5)  Cite proven examples of brutality by the Church – brutality by members of the Church (e.g., Pizarro) will not be accepted. Otherwise, that kind of wide tarbrushing would say that all Americans are domestic terrorists, since the American Timothy McVeigh – a Gulf War veteran, by the way (and Catholic-born, for that matter) – murdered some 165 fellow Americans in Oklahoma City, using a truck bomb, in 1995; victims included nineteen children in a day-care center.

6) Sub to question/request 5): Having proven (this should be interesting) brutality by the Church herself, and not by misguided members, show next where that would be an actual legacy. Or are you referring to a legacy of charges? That's not news; that goes back to the First Century, when Catholics were accused of murdering babies (I think).

You see, my friend, anybody can use weighted words and accuse anyone – an individual, family, association, country – of all kinds of things. (E.g., I could state that everyone named "Eric" is a cold-blooded murderer, and offer Eric Harris as a clear example.) But accusations are not evidence, nor proof, except of either misunderstanding, resentment, or an agenda; I'm assuming you simply misunderstand.

What say you?

Kind regards,

A. Gene Childe

No word back yet – and those times (just two, I think; no, three) that a posting of mine received a harsh comment from a truly rare reader, I never heard back again after responding. This is disappointing; if someone feels so strongly about something, s/he really should be able to engage in at least a modicum of debate.

(In fact, I have done that once before here, though I was actually airing a series of emails between me and an ultra-ultra rightist friend of my own friend, Anon E. Mouse. That was engaging – i.e., quite enjoyable and challenging. Intellectual fun.)

This "Eric" person… on further reflection, I believe he's one of John Wojnowski's blinded supporters (as opposed to a rational one)… or possibly John himself. Let's see what happens… but don't hold your breath, everybody.

Followup: Eric responded, removing his mask:

phosphoro6 Jun 30, 2008

I’ve emailed my response to you and look forward to further discussing the issues at hand.

-“Eric”

Writers' Wednesday: "Leap of Faith" — Act Three

We conclude this episode of "The Simpsons" with a guest-photo of Mr. Smugface himself, recent owner (not property) of Chuckles herself, who sent me the photo just today. Yes, Smugface was her cat (now wandering the wilds of the Southeast US: be on the lookout!). For some unfathomable reason, she named him Ivan (and because he was quite thin, I always called him "Ivan the Terribly Skinny", which didn't bother him), and he really does have a very smug look to him:

(And Chuckles insists he really would wake her up in the morning by smacking her in the face.) I hope Matt Groening's crew of Korean animators get that look right.

The previous parts of this script can be found here:

Act One

Act Two

Next week… you, know, I still haven't decided what's next on Writers' Wednesday. I'll talk it over with Chuckles, and see what she'd like me to put up here out of her tall, swaying pile of TV and movie scripts; stay tuned…

This script is Copyright © 2005 by Christine Roberts, and is registered with the Writers' Guild of America (WGA).

THE SIMPSONS

"LEAP OF FAITH"

Written by Christine Roberts

Created by Matt Groening

Developed by James L. Brooks, Matt Groening, and Sam Simon

Cast (in order of appearance)

HOMER SIMPSON                                      Dan Castellanata

MARGE SIMPSON                                       Julie Kavner

BART SIMPSON                                           Nancy Cartwright

LISA SIMPSON                                             Yeardley Smith

REVEREND TIMOTHY LOVEJOY       Harry Shearer

NELSON MUNTZ                                         Nancy Cartwright

NED FLANDERS                                          Harry Shearer

MR. SMUGFACE

SNOWBALL II

SANTA'S LITTLE HELPER

PASTOR INSAINE                                       Colin Baker

AL CALAVICCI                                              Dean Stockwell

SAM BECKETT                                             Scott Bakula

MOE SZYSLAK                                             Hank Azaria

CARL CARLSON                                          Hank Azaria

LENNY LEONARD                                      Harry Shearer

COMIC BOOK GUY                                     Hank Azaria

REVEREND LOVEJOY'S BRAIN          Harry Shearer

CROWD IN AUDITORIUM

ACT THREE

FADE IN:

EXTERIOR SIMPSONS' HOUSE — NIGHT

The LIGHTS are ON at the house. There is a lot of SHOUTING going on inside the house. Nelson Muntz is walking up the sidewalk.

PASTOR INSAINE (O.S.): …he will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire!

NELSON: Hmm… Baptize with fire? That gives me an idea…

Then Nelson leaves.

REV. LOVEJOY (O.S.): Oh yeah? Try this on for size.

Just then Flanders is walking up the street. He only hears part of it.

REV. LOVEJOY (O.S.): …Satan will be released…

FLANDERS: Oh no… it's happening.

REV. LOVEJOY (O.S.): …and will come out to deceive the nations…

FLANDERS (GASPS): Oh… no. Armageddon!

He quickly runs into his house.

FLANDERS (CONT'D) (WHILE RUNNING): The end is here!

INTERIOR SIMPSONS' HOUSE — CONTINUOUS

MARGE: This is ridiculous!

REV. LOVEJOY: What is?

MARGE: The way you two are going at it.

Then Mr. Smugface walks over to SNOWBALL II and SMACKS him in the face.

BART: Cooool!

HOMER: I've got dibs on Mister Smugface.

LISA: Dad. You're betting against our cat!

HOMER: So?

MARGE: See what I'm talking about?

HOMER:  /  BART:

No…          /   No…

Pastor Insaine's cell phone RINGS. The ringtone is the DR. WHO THEME.

PASTOR INSAINE: Hello? (BEAT): Oh my gosh!

REV. LOVEJOY (SARCASTIC): What's the matter? Your check bounced?

MARGE: Reverend!

Reverend Lovejoy has a disgusted look on his face. He folds his arms.

REV. LOVEJOY (SARCASTIC): Fine.

Snowball II runs across the room, followed by SANTA'S LITTLE HELPER, both chased by Mr. Smugface.

HOMER: Woo-hoo! I'm doubling my bet.

MARGE: What's the matter, Pastor?

REV. LOVEJOY (SARCASTIC): Yes. Do tell.

PASTOR INSAINE: I've got to go. My church is on fire!

REV. LOVEJOY: Your what is where?

Pastor Insaine runs to the door.

PASTOR INSAINE (TO REV. LOVEJOY): This is all your fault!

Then he runs out of the door, stops and turns to the house.

PASTOR INSAINE (CONT'D): Come on, Mister Smugface!

Mr. Smugface stops chasing the Simpsons' pets and runs to the door. Once he is outside, Mr. Smugface STICKS OUT his TONGUE at Snowball II and Santa's Little Helper. Pastor Insaine slams the door. Santa's Little Helper and Snowball II give a SIGH of relief.

HOMER: I don't believe it.

MARGE: I'm glad you feel the same way I do about all of this, Homie.

HOMER: Nah. I was talking about the cat. How did he train him to do that?

EXTERIOR SECOND CHURCH OF SPRINGFIELD — NIGHT

The sign now reads: "NOW YOU DID IT!" The CHURCH is engulfed in FLAMES. Everyone is outside watching the church burn down. Nelson walks by and points to the church.

NELSON: Hah-hah!

PASTOR INSAINE: What?

NELSON: Smell ya later.

Then Nelson leaves.

PASTOR INSAINE: That kid is crazy.

REV. LOVEJOY: And this is from a man whose name is Insaine?

PASTOR INSAINE: You did it!

REV. LOVEJOY: Did what?

PASTOR INSAINE: You put a curse on me with that Bible verse.

REV. LOVEJOY: That's insane, Insaine! I did not! (BEGINS PRAYING): Lord, show this fruitcake that I'm telling the truth. Give me a sign!

Just then the Second Church of Springfield's SIGN is struck by LIGHTNING, and the SIGN FALLS DOWN to the ground. Pastor Insaine gives Reverend Lovejoy a sarcastic look. Then we see Sam and Al behind the crowd watching everything.

AL: Now do you believe me?

SAM: What am I going to do?

AL: Ziggy says you need to have a talk with them.

Sam walks down to the front of the crowd.

SAM: People. Let us be rational about this.

REV. LOVEJOY: And this is from a man who talks to himself?

SAM: Why don't we meet somewhere public and talk about this like mature adults?

EXTERIOR CIVIC AUDITORIUM — ESTABLISHING

The sign reads: "TODAY'S GATHERING FOR LOONIES. COMING SOON: LESS SIGNS TO READ"

INTERIOR CIVIC AUDITORIUM — CONTINUOUS

Everyone is gathered in the place. Sam is on the stage, standing behind a podium, trying to be a moderator. Reverend Lovejoy and Pastor Insaine are sitting in chairs across from each other behind the podium. Pastor Insaine is holding Mr. Smugface.

SAM: Okay, everyone. We are here to settle a dispute between these two ministers.

REV. LOVEJOY: Why do I feel like I'm being auctioned?

CARL: What I want to know, is when do we get refreshments?

LENNY: Yeah. I came over here thinking there's food.

SAM: You'll get some later.

CARL: When?

PASTOR INSAINE: Oh, quit your whining!

Mr. Smugface MEOWS.

PASTOR INSAINE (CONT'D): See. Even Mister Smugface agrees with me.

REV. LOVEJOY: And that's another thing — who's crazy enough to bring their cat with them wherever they go?

SAM: Well, I suppose…?

Homer stands up, raises his hand and interrupts Sam.

HOMER: Oh! Oh! I know! Pick me!

REV. LOVEJOY:   /   PASTOR INSAINE:

Shut up, Homer!   /   Shut up, Homer!

REV. LOVEJOY (CONT'D): I don't believe it. Our first agreement.

PASTOR INSAINE: Yes it is.

HOMER: Huh? But I liked the fighting.

MOE: Yeah. I know what you mean. It was great for my business.

BART: This is ridiculous. I want some action.

LISA: Don't do anything stupid.

BART: Even his sermons were more entertaining.

MARGE: Are you feeling all right?

BART: I've got to get out of here.

Bart leaves the row. Al is standing next to Sam and is smoking a cigar.

SAM (TO AL): See, Al. I did it. I got them together.

AL: I don't know if you're aware of this, but you're not leaping.

Comic Book Guy arrives running on stage and is out of breath.

COMIC BOOK GUY: I'm coming, Al!

AL: Oh, no. Not him again.

SAM: Remember, he asked for you.

AL: Yeah… right.

COMIC BOOK GUY (TO SAM): Where's Al?

Al is standing next to Comic Book Guy and blowing smoke into his face. Sam begins laughing and then tries to stop.

SAM: Um… I'm not sure. Tell me who you are and I'll give him a message.

AL: Oh, good, Sam. Then Ziggy can tell me something about this guy.

PASTOR INSAINE (TO REV. LOVEJOY): You're right. I don't belong here. Your city has too many bizarre things going on here. I need to find a place that fits me perfectly.

REV. LOVEJOY: Let me see. (BEAT): I've got it — Washington D.C.!

PASTOR INSAINE: Hmm… How come I didn't think of it?

REV. LOVEJOY: Maybe you're too close to the subject.

PASTOR INSAINE: What do you think, Mister Smugface?

REV. LOVEJOY'S BRAIN: Now he is concurring with the cat.

Mister Smugface MEOWS.

PASTOR INSAINE (TO MR. SMUGFACE): Are you sure?

Mister Smugface MEOWS again.

PASTOR INSAINE (CONT'D): You're right. We'll do it.

Reverend Lovejoy gives a SIGH of relief.

AL (TO COMIC BOOK GUY) (SARCASTIC): What kind of a name is that?

SAM: I wouldn't even call that a name. Are you sure you're not making that up?

COMIC BOOK GUY: I never make up such things. Especially when it involves someone in authority like Ziggy.

AL (YELLING): How the hell does he know that?

SAM (TO AL): That's what I was thinking. (TO COMIC BOOK GUY): How do you know Ziggy?

AL: This is too weird. I'm getting out of here.

SAM: Al! Don't leave me like this. I haven't leaped yet.

AL: This is getting scary even by my standards!

COMIC BOOK GUY: I was right!

AL: Don't worry, Sam, you won't be here much longer.

Al presses some buttons on the hand link, a door opens, and Al leaves.

SAM: Whew! That makes me feel better.

COMIC BOOK GUY: You're leaving?

SAM: Yeah! (BEAT): Wait a minute. I didn't mean that. Oops. I meant...

COMIC BOOK GUY: Aha! I was right again. (WAVES TO SAM): See you on the Enterprise.

SAM (AS HE PUTS HIS HAND OVER HIS FACE): D'oh!

Sam then DEMATERIALIZES from the stage.

COMIC BOOK GUY: Ah… this has to be the worse episode ever.

He gives a SIGH and then eats a candy bar.

COMIC BOOK GUY (CONT'D): I need something to calm my nerves.

Then he walks past Reverend Lovejoy and Pastor Insaine. Bart arrives on the stage.

BART: So, what did you guys decide?

PASTOR INSAINE: Mister Smugface and I are going to move to Washington D.C. and shake up the country.

REV. LOVEJOY (AS HE SHRUGS HIS SHOULDERS): Ugh… the thought of it. More loony people in our nation's capital.

PASTOR INSAINE: Huh?

REV. LOVEJOY (PUTS HIS HAND OUT): I mean… good luck!

They shake hands.

PASTOR INSAINE: Thanks.

Bart then shrugs his shoulders.

BART (TO PASTOR INSAINE): Maybe you should be in another profession?

REV. LOVEJOY: Yes. Like what?

BART: I don't know. Like maybe a doctor?

PASTOR INSAINE: Doctor? Who?

REV. LOVEJOY: Ah… never mind the boy. (COVERS BART'S MOUTH): He doesn't know what he's talking about.

PASTOR INSAINE: I agree. (TO BART): You need to have a leap of faith.

REV. LOVEJOY: That's right.

Bart is still trying to get away from Reverend Lovejoy.

REV. LOVEJOY (CONT'D): How are you going to get the money for your trip?

PASTOR INSAINE: Oh, didn't I tell you?

REV. LOVEJOY: No.

PASTOR INSAINE: I got over a hundred thousand dollars from the fire.

REV. LOVEJOY: Dear Lord!

He lets go of Bart.

PASTOR INSAINE: That's right. See you in D.C.!

Pastor Insaine LAUGHS as he leaves. Reverend Lovejoy has a worried look on his face.

REV. LOVEJOY (V.O.) (WHILE THE TITLES ARE ROLLING): The following people will be donating large sums of money to the First Church of Springfield: Dan Castellanata. Julie Kavner. Nancy Cartwright. Yeardley Smith… (ETC.)

FADE OUT.

THE END