Scamming the Spammers

I hate spammers at least as much as the next semi-geek (and aspiring professed religious). Usually I delete that crap as soon as it shows up; at work I had blocked off some 500 domains (I'm not kidding) those spammers had used over a nearly two-year period, through to my final day there last week.

Like most paranoid web-users, I have several different email accounts. One is for email to and from family and friends, another for professional use (e.g., bill payment, résumé submittals, and so on), another for subscriptions (e-newsletters, etc.) and a couple others as spam-magnets. These last are where an email address is requested (e.g., for message-boards, and silly stuff like contest entries), and where I assume someone on the other end may end up bombarding me with junk mail, selling addresses to the aforementioned scumbuckets, and other throwaway reasons.

Online at home (finally!) since early this year (though on the 'net for almost ten years now), I reactivated a couple dormant email accounts because I might need to use them commercially – ordering stamp supplies, for instance. The email providers ask that you fill out at least a minimum of information on yourself: your name and address, and how you'd like that name to show up when people receive your email, and so on.

In a fit of more-intense paranoia, I changed the ID on one of my email accounts to display the name of a (female) acquaintance of many, many-many years ago – though I'm feeling particularly contrite about using even her name (or an approximation thereof), so I've just now changed it to something almost innocuous – I won't say what it now is, but you've probably noticed from other email posted here that I sometimes tweak names. So assume it's now something like "Marion Haste", or "Justin Case", or "Ivan Alias". Never mind.

Anyway, a few days ago this particular spam showed up in my inbox – no doubt you've seen and received plenty like it:

From:  "mary " <m.taylor21@rediffmail.com>
To:  <m.taylor21@rediffmail.com>
Subject:  I AM VERY HAPPY
Date:  5 Jul 2007 01:08:45 -0000 

My Dear,

COMPLIMENT OF THE SEASON.

This is Mary Taylor writing to you once again, thank you for the assistance rendered to me when I was really in need, it is a thing of joy to inform you that finally, I have succeeded in collecting the money at Long last.

Hope this mail fined you in an excellent condition of health. I'm happy to inform you about my success in getting those funds transferred under the co-operation of a new partner from London UK.

Presently I'm in JAPAN for investment projects with my own share of the total sum. Meanwhile I didn't forget your past efforts and attempts to assist me in transferring those funds that later failed some how, I have compensated you with the sum of $1.5M, One million five hundred thousand dollars. Now contact Barrister A.Bello my lawyer in Ghana and his email address is (1bello_chambers@myway.com) ask him to send the money to you, the sum of $1.5, One million five hundred thousand dollars which I kept for your compensation for all your past efforts and attempts to assist me in this matter. I appreciated your efforts at that time very much. So feel free and get in touch with him and instruct him where to send your compensation amount to you.

Please do let me know immediately if you receive it so that we can share the joy after all the sufferings at that time. I'm very busy here WITH MY STUDIES and the investment projects, which the new partner and I are having at hand.

This Money, I have left it for you to Barrister A.Bello, I have tried many times to talk to you on phone but you could not respond and I have no time for myself because we are very busy now.

You can still reach me on my personal E-mail: (mary_taylorlove2005@yahoo.com) if anything is needed from me ok.

Best wishes,

Mary Taylor.

It's yet another take on the old "Nigerian Scam" – or, more properly, a "419 Advance-Fee Fraud"; no offense whatsoever intended toward my Nigerian friends… or Ghanaian, as in this case (I know a couple Ghanaians – one, interestingly enough, is fluent in Norwegian).

For some reason, this one tickled me at a moment when I needed a break from résumé-polishing and -submittal. So using that particular throwaway account, I sent back a polite response… laying on the BS even more heavily than "Mary Taylor" had. My objective was to sow some nice confusion:

Sent: Wednesday, July 04, 2007 10:08 PM
To: mary_taylorlove2005@yahoo.com
Cc: m.taylor21@rediffmail.com; 1bello_chambers@myway.com
Subject: RE: I AM VERY HAPPY
Importance: High

My dear Mary!

I am writing back to you to confirm that Mr. Bello was able to transfer all but two-hundred thousand dollars of that amount to an account I had set up in Washington for that very purpose. We are currently in negotiation over that last amount, and at this point it looks as though I may fly out to Ghana this coming weekend (or to a third country, such as the Caymans) to accept the amount in valuable goods (e.g., gemstones, Krugerrands, or marketable artworks), rather than Euros, Sterling, or Dollars. But I did hint to Bello that I might gift him with half of that; he's been great!

You'd asked me to let you know how I've been disbursing the moneys – although I apologize that I didn't leave this initial account transaction-free for 30 days, even though you'd requested this specifically... I'm just too paranoid!

The moment that the 1.3 M$ US was confirmed by the Washington bank as having been received, I transferred the lion's share of the balance out to two dozen further accounts (thank goodness for some of those finance-tracking programs you recommended; this has worked like a charm!) in other accounts in the US, Germany, Venezuela, Thailand, Hong Kong, the Caymans, and three other countries whose names escape me at the moment. (One is in the UAE, if I recall this correctly.)

From these accounts, I've succeeded in withdrawing larger sums in travelers' checks, cashier's checks, smaller amounts of cash (Euros and Dollars only), and wire-transfer to further accounts in the US and some other countries. The cash and most of the checks I in turn put into investments (not with the firms you and Mr. Bello had spoken of, however; I'm not familiar enough with them), as well as the purchase of on-the-market artworks, archeological pieces, gold (coins only), stamps, and several properties in New York (city), New Mexico (Sedona), California (Hermosa), and Oregon (Klamath Falls). I did heed Mr. Bello's cautions to avoid the purchase of the Italian sports car my husband and son have been eying – although Bello and I are now likely to be part owners (probably with my husband, son, and some of Bello's own associates) of a small warehouse of antique US and UK cars. I can't wait! You can join our group if you'd like. If you can kick in enough $$, they'll let you take the Phaeton out!

From most of the larger accounts, I also made donations to a number of above-board charities, from the Red Cross and Salvation Army in the US, to the orphanage in the UK you'd recommended, and even the local metropolitan Fraternal Order of Police! An associate of my senior attorney will be contacting my alma mater in NH to fund a scholarship and/or chair. This I'll probably do in my mother's name (RIP), since she'd sat on the Executive Board for so many years.

The SEC has not batted an eyelash (and I was worried about that) at all of these transactions, which might not have come off smoothly had I not been able to call on the assistance of family overseas (including my sister on the Seine – you and I joined her and her husband for dinner last year in Miami, remember?), as well as a number of agents I've engaged successfully in the past. Again, I decided not to make use of the specific gentlemen (and that one woman) whom Mr. Bello recommended, however: I do feel best working with professionals known to me personally.

Again, Mary, you and Mr. Bello have been wonderful. It's been a pleasure and delight to work with you again! And, no, that 1.5 M$ (US) was not a surprise – the word's been out for some years now that you and your own son are quite generous and forthright in expressing your gratitude. And, once again, you two didn't let me down.

And you're back in Japan! If you make it to Nagoya this time around and are able to call on Mr. Tomodachi, do please convey my regards for services rendered in the past. He may gift you with some shares for the courtesy; do keep them – they're solid.

Who knows; you may see my husband and me there before you head back home. I know of a stunning bar on Okane Street in Kamakura (within sight of the daibatsu), and I intend to stop in if I can get an appointment with Mr. Minshuto, too, and take the long way back home from Ghana/Caymans. What say we meet in that club for a couple sakes? (I promise I'll lay off the karaoke this time!) We can certainly afford it much more easily now, and my husband would really like to toast you. Just let me know your itinerary for the remainder of the summer, okay? Thanks! Mata aimasho!

With warmest regards, dear friend,

Yours

(As a side note, in Japanese "tomodachi" means "friend", and "okane" means – heh-heh – "money"; "mata aimasho" means "see you later!". Kamakura really is a Japanese city, and site of a world-famous Buddha statue, or "daibatsu" in the language. Minshuto is the Japanese Democratic party. Oh, I have fun sometimes.)

I was curious how this alleged "Mary Taylor" would respond; turns out the good barrister "Bello" himself stepped in. Unfortunately, his response – possibly automated – reflected clearly that his command of English is limited, and my whole-cloth inventions had been lost on him. Oh, well; I only know a phrase or two in Ghanaian, so I guess that makes us even. Bello did not disappoint:

From: "Barrister"<1bello_chambers@myway.com>
Reply-To: 1bello_chambers@myway.com
CC: mary_taylorlove2005@yahoo.com
Subject: Call me immediately from bello chambers
Date: Thu, 5 Jul 2007 05:24:43 -0400 (EDT)

Solicitors and Advocates,
rue 4145, New Achimota.
Accra-Ghana
Tel: +233-243601499

Greetings from Bello Chambers,

Attention: [my old acquaintance's name… oops!],

Yes Miss Mary Taylor put down some money under our care here on your behave, she stated that you are her business partner that she suppose to stay and complete the transaction with you here before she take off to Japan where she is now but due to her time limit she could not wait, now your money is in a bank here under our care so what we require from you is to fill this form and send it back to us. To enable us to direct you to the bank where your money is, for your confirmation of transfer your money from the bank manager,

Your full name..........................................
Your Home Address.......................................
Tel/Fax No..............................................
Sex.....................................................
Age.....................................................
Your bank name...........................................
Account No...............................................
Occupation...............................................
Country origin...........................................

With this information I will open an account for you here in your name for the transferring of this funds immediately to your nominated account, please make sure you send dawn opening of account fee some of $1,500 UD by western union money transfer to my secretary name bellow:

Mrs. NAOMI TENOR

Solicitors and Advocates,
rue 4145, New Achimota.
ACCRA GHANA

Best regard.

L. Bello Esq.
Tel:+233-243601499

Ah, such a fine fellow, that Mr. Bello. Now I had a legitimate mailing address, and at least one good email address, confirmed for his end of the scam. It would be extremely unethical of me to suggest that you make free use of those email addresses yourself when you're needlessly asked to provide one… so I didn't suggest it.

What to do, what to do… I felt myself getting slightly boxed in – so when in doubt, sow a little more confusion:

––-Original Message––-
Sent: Thursday, July 05, 2007 4:29 PM
To: 1bello_chambers@myway.com
Cc: mary_taylorlove2005@yahoo.com
Subject: RE: Call me immediately from bello chambers
Importance: High

Hello, Bello!

[couldn't resist playing with his name]

And thank you for all your assistance thus far. Please double-check with Ms. Tenor; the information you request I already provided her (and this was late in June) – you (or she) should still have it.

In any case, as I delineated for Miss Taylor, you and I have already completed our transfer of the assets she left for me in Accra. That is, aside from the incidental matter of the remaining 200,000 USD.

Since we last spoke, I have made reservations for my husband and me on United/Lufthansa 8833/9002 to Lagos, arriving from the US 4:25 PM next Tuesday. We will stop briefly in Frankfurt to finalize some other financial transactions with our Bonn agents, and also confirm overland transport to Accra from Lagos (there are no direct flights, for obvious reasons, so this part of the trip is still shaky, I admit).

My husband and I will be staying in a suite at the Marina Park Hotel/Apartments just outside Lagos, not far from the Airport. We had planned on being there through July 13 – but in fact, if you'd like and can bring with you (in commodities, not cash) the remainder of Ms. Taylor's funds (200K$ USD), I can extend our stay there and in fact reserve a room for you and up to two associates through Saturday, July 14. I'll bring along some photographs and details of the properties we have been able to secure with the 1,300,000 USD, as mentioned in my previous email. I think you'll be quite pleased with these acquisitions.

Again, there's no need for me or my husband to re-supply that information you've requested; remember, both Ms. Tenor and Miss Taylor have it – and I expect to close down that "hub" account first thing tomorrow (9:00 AM), USDT, anyway, since our transactions are nearly complete, my friend.

I do hope we can finish this last remaining item in person by the end of next week, since I've plans for us to fly from Lagos to Japan and meet again with Miss Taylor – although with there being no direct flights, my husband and I may have to go via the UAE. This would, in fact, be great, because we'll be able to stay with [name of an old Palestinian acquaintance], your and our mutual friend and old (transplanted) Jordanian colleague – I've retained him to look over some of my and my husband's Middle-East assets (just UAE and Bahrain for now; even the KSA is a little shaky).

I've already spoken with Miss Taylor, and have let her know the rough date of our arrival in Lagos, UAE (tentative), and Japan (either Nagoya or Osaka). Though she's extremely busy, she has kindly agreed to remain on in Japan just a while longer and meet us there. My husband and I hope to return to the US via Easter Island, Hawaii, and Klamath Falls (Oregon US, where we can look over our new estate in person), now that we can afford it so much more easily; he's looking forward to this, and shares my hope that it will be a lovely "second anniversary"… thirty years late! Our son will not accompany us this time around.

Take care, old friend! If you need to use some of that last 200,000 USD for final expenses, you may do so (within reason, of course) – and my husband is particularly flexible on granting you a large piece of it out of personal appreciation… he just has to convince me! I'm thinking another box of Krugerrands will do the trick (hint, hint).

All our best, as always,

Yours

I haven't gone fishing since Ford was president, but I believe that sometimes you don't yank the nibbling fish right in, but instead play with it awhile. Try this with a cat, though, and you'll find your fingers well-gnawed.

So, who would be up to bat next – Taylor, or Bello?

From:  "Barrister"<1bello_chambers@myway.com>
Reply-To:  1bello_chambers@myway.com
CC:  mary_taylorlove2005@hotmail.com
Subject:  RE: Call me immediately from bello chambers
Date:  Fri, 6 Jul 2007 03:56:23 -0400 (EDT)

Solicitors and Advocates,
rue 4145, New Achimota.
Accra-Ghana
Tel: +233-243601499

Greetings from Bello Chambers,

Attention: [name],

Yes, I have concluded with miss Taylor that you have to open an account with international commercial bank here in Ghana to use for the transfer of that last fund to you. You have to understand that it is not possible for me to use some of the money for expenses, because I don’t have an access to use the part of the money for any expenses. That is why you have to send dawn the $1,500 USD by western union money transfer to my secretary name bellow to enable me to open the account on your behave to use for the transfer of the last miss Taylor funds to you, send the money to this name bellow:

Mrs. NAOMI TENOR

Solicitors and Advocates,
rue 4145, New Achimota.
ACCRA GHANA

Send me the payment information after sending the money

Best regard.
L. Bello Esq.
Tel:+233-243601499

Okay, Bello had been able to figure out a little bit, at least, of what I'd related as Mrs. Moneybags. Notice that his mailing address has remained unchanged, as has the phone number – I assume both these are real… although the solicitor's office is likely a utility-closet with hot-and-cold running yard-long rats, and the phone number connected to a booth on the corner. (It would be unethical of me also to suggest you do anything with that address and phone number, other than provide it when you turn the gentleman in.)

Well, that was enough for now – time to yank hard on the string… and then cut it, and let the bottom-feeder go: 

––-Original Message––-
Sent: Friday, July 06, 2007 4:24 PM
To: 1bello_chambers@myway.com
Subject: RE: Call me immediately from bello chambers
Importance: High

Thank you, Bello, and there seems to be a little confusion here on your part – I do apologize for that. We have already received and reallocated nearly all of Miss Taylor's generous account. All that remains is the 200,000 USD you were not able to secure when we spoke by phone last week. Other than that small amount, we have succeeded fully in converting those funds to gold (Krugerrands), commercial properties, and various fluid assets. Thanks to you and Miss Taylor, we are now nearly twice as wealthy as we were two weeks ago. We do appreciate all the work you have done for us.

My husband and I have revised our plans further, and will fly to Lagos tomorrow afternoon. We'll arrive at 3:40 PM Sunday on Delta 8566 (via a four-hour stop in France, rather than Frankfurt); I will call you from our suite at the Savoy (Boutique Hotel) once our bags have arrived. It's my hope you can meet us there, since overland travel for foreign-nationals to and from Ghana remains a bit problematic.

We've already spoken with Miss Taylor, and she will fly out from Japan to Dubai on Wednesday, July 11, to meet again with us and our agent [name]. Let us know Sunday evening whether you'd like to come along; we can certainly afford airfare for your passage and that of an associate if necessary. (Mary is paying her own way, and declined our offer – she really is gracious!)

My husband is asking me to unplug this laptop computer and pack it up. The rest of our things are already packed (including photos of the properties and other goods I mentioned previously), and after dinner this evening, some sweet dancing and a good night's sleep, we will be off to Lagos!

I have to go, my friend. I should be able to write or call you from Paris tomorrow afternoon, although the appointments I've hurriedly set up may prohibit that. At very worst, we will call you from Lagos the day after tomorrow.

It will be great to see you again! Take care, and here's to a continued rich future together.

Yours

To quote a far more famous authority on the subject, "Ain't I a stinker?" Or, to put it another way, "What a maroon!"

My hope is that someone in Ghana is rubbing his hands in glee, or maybe even sweating a bit more than usual, expecting an older couple with more bucks than brains to show up, and with no means of further communication.

Meanwhile, I blocked those three email addresses, and am still considering forwarding the info I extracted to some authority somewhere. But I've had my fun… and hopefully left some nice, healthy bafflement in my wake. My work is done.

Ciao Bello!